In my day, I have stuffed many things. I have stuffed turkeys, bell peppers, and pork chops. Once, when I was about twelve, I tried to stuff my bra with kleenex.
I have even, on rare but necessary occasion, told the LOC (Lovable Old Coot) to stuff it- not my bra but whatever nonsense he was putting forth at the moment.
I have experienced a stuffy nose, a stuffy house, and many (too numerous to mention) stuffy business men in stuffy board meetings.
But until yesterday, I had never stuffed a duvet. It is a challenge.
My tastes have traditionally run more to bedspread and quilts, with the random foray into comforters and throws. However, when the time came to replace the bed linens in the newly repainted and re-carpeted guest room, I thought, why not go a little upscale? Expand my horizons, even live a little?
So I took myself off to the nearest mall (this alone should tell you I was serious about redecorating, since I hate malls and almost never shop in them) and after wandering about for a bit, lighted upon a wonderful clearance sale at Macy's.
And suddenly there it was, a lovely cream/bisque duvet, with subtle gold tone threads embossed upon it, on sale for over 80% off! My goodness, they were practically giving it away. Of course, by the time I also purchased the matching pillow shams, which were not included with the duvet itself, because after all, this was not some run-of-the-mill, bed-in-a-bag special, it was not quite as inexpensive as I had hoped for, but still. When you are expanding your decorative horizons, you either go big or go home, as the saying goes. I went big.
Thus, yesterday afternoon, there I was, standing next to the bed with the feather comforter in one hand and the duvet in the other pondering my dilemma. How does one go about stuffing a duvet?
I thought about rolling the duvet back from the inside out, much like rolling up the sleeves of a shirt, then placing the comforter inside and trying to unroll them simultaneously. But I couldn't quite figure out how that would work, so I forged on.
It occurred to me that perhaps I could stand on the bed, holding the duvet open, and sort of drop the comforter into it, a little at a time, until the whole thing was encased. But even with the added height, I am too short to extend the entire duvet such that the comforter would not bunch up about three-quarters of the way down. Shucks!
This was proving to be more difficult than laying out the money for the darned thing in the first place. I'm a basic sort of person, and I probably should have stayed in my familiar bedspread/quilt neighborhood. Who was I to think I could sashay right on into duvet-land, after all?
It was rather like, after driving a well-aged Chevy all your life, thinking you could just pop into a BMW dealership and drive off in one. Not as easy as it sounds.
Well, neither was stuffing this doggoned duvet!
Next I tried laying the duvet out on the bed and then (I'm embarrassed to admit this, but here goes) sort of crawling into the duvet head-first, while hauling the comforter in after me, like a miner going in with a head-lamp on, dragging his tools behind him. As you may have already guessed, it didn't work. First, I realized that my body took up too much room in the duvet to leave adequate space to spread out the comforter, and secondly, my arms weren't long enough to spread the comforter from corner to corner and every time I moved to smooth out a section, the section beneath or around me scrunched up. Foiled again!
So I backed out, and thought about my options. Finally, the inevitable truth dawned on me. I needed help. Oh, phooey, I just hate that.
About this time, the LOC wandered into the room, looking puzzled at the fact that there were bed linens everywhere, my hair was standing straight on end, and I appeared to be near hysterics. He looked around quickly for my attacker, but spotting no one, carefully inquired as to what was going on.
"Don't get smart with me", I admonished him. "I am in no mood to be made fun of." I then added, quite unnecessarily, "I have a problem."
Never one to be intimidated by my bark-worse-than-bite temperament, he mildly replied, "You think?"
I then reluctantly explained how I came to be "in over my head" so to speak, and what I was trying to accomplish. Between the two of us, using the buttons provided for the purpose on the duvet, several additional safety pins, and four arms and two heads, we got it done.
I must say, it looked great on the guest bed in all its shimmery glory. But I was so exhausted from the whole ordeal that I just flopped back upon it, and took a nap!
Hope your day allows for a nice nap, too.