In my day, I have stuffed many things. I have stuffed turkeys, bell peppers, and pork chops. Once, when I was about twelve, I tried to stuff my bra with kleenex.
I have even, on rare but necessary occasion, told the LOC (Lovable Old Coot) to stuff it- not my bra but whatever nonsense he was putting forth at the moment.
I have experienced a stuffy nose, a stuffy house, and many (too numerous to mention) stuffy business men in stuffy board meetings.
But until yesterday, I had never stuffed a duvet. It is a challenge.
My tastes have traditionally run more to bedspread and quilts, with the random foray into comforters and throws. However, when the time came to replace the bed linens in the newly repainted and re-carpeted guest room, I thought, why not go a little upscale? Expand my horizons, even live a little?
So I took myself off to the nearest mall (this alone should tell you I was serious about redecorating, since I hate malls and almost never shop in them) and after wandering about for a bit, lighted upon a wonderful clearance sale at Macy's.
And suddenly there it was, a lovely cream/bisque duvet, with subtle gold tone threads embossed upon it, on sale for over 80% off! My goodness, they were practically giving it away. Of course, by the time I also purchased the matching pillow shams, which were not included with the duvet itself, because after all, this was not some run-of-the-mill, bed-in-a-bag special, it was not quite as inexpensive as I had hoped for, but still. When you are expanding your decorative horizons, you either go big or go home, as the saying goes. I went big.
Thus, yesterday afternoon, there I was, standing next to the bed with the feather comforter in one hand and the duvet in the other pondering my dilemma. How does one go about stuffing a duvet?
I thought about rolling the duvet back from the inside out, much like rolling up the sleeves of a shirt, then placing the comforter inside and trying to unroll them simultaneously. But I couldn't quite figure out how that would work, so I forged on.
It occurred to me that perhaps I could stand on the bed, holding the duvet open, and sort of drop the comforter into it, a little at a time, until the whole thing was encased. But even with the added height, I am too short to extend the entire duvet such that the comforter would not bunch up about three-quarters of the way down. Shucks!
This was proving to be more difficult than laying out the money for the darned thing in the first place. I'm a basic sort of person, and I probably should have stayed in my familiar bedspread/quilt neighborhood. Who was I to think I could sashay right on into duvet-land, after all?
It was rather like, after driving a well-aged Chevy all your life, thinking you could just pop into a BMW dealership and drive off in one. Not as easy as it sounds.
Well, neither was stuffing this doggoned duvet!
Next I tried laying the duvet out on the bed and then (I'm embarrassed to admit this, but here goes) sort of crawling into the duvet head-first, while hauling the comforter in after me, like a miner going in with a head-lamp on, dragging his tools behind him. As you may have already guessed, it didn't work. First, I realized that my body took up too much room in the duvet to leave adequate space to spread out the comforter, and secondly, my arms weren't long enough to spread the comforter from corner to corner and every time I moved to smooth out a section, the section beneath or around me scrunched up. Foiled again!
So I backed out, and thought about my options. Finally, the inevitable truth dawned on me. I needed help. Oh, phooey, I just hate that.
About this time, the LOC wandered into the room, looking puzzled at the fact that there were bed linens everywhere, my hair was standing straight on end, and I appeared to be near hysterics. He looked around quickly for my attacker, but spotting no one, carefully inquired as to what was going on.
"Don't get smart with me", I admonished him. "I am in no mood to be made fun of." I then added, quite unnecessarily, "I have a problem."
Never one to be intimidated by my bark-worse-than-bite temperament, he mildly replied, "You think?"
I then reluctantly explained how I came to be "in over my head" so to speak, and what I was trying to accomplish. Between the two of us, using the buttons provided for the purpose on the duvet, several additional safety pins, and four arms and two heads, we got it done.
I must say, it looked great on the guest bed in all its shimmery glory. But I was so exhausted from the whole ordeal that I just flopped back upon it, and took a nap!
Hope your day allows for a nice nap, too.
I just read your last 2 posts and had a good laugh! I can picture you stuffing yourself into the duvet... and then hubby's response to the problem... 'you think?'
It's always such fun to know that other people have similar issues when it comes to both stuffing duvets and living with a hubby who is light years away on important issues like anything to do with decorating! I can't show mine an 'after' picture... he panics and always says 'if it isn't broken, don't fix it'... so I 'fix it' first, then show him what I've done, and he always just loves it!! :)Even our kids say 'don't tell dad, just do it first and then show him!'
Oh, my word!!! You should have called, I would have been right over to help. My momma taught me before I was 10! Fun post!!ReplyDelete
Thanks, Martha! I needed a good laugh!ReplyDelete
It IS hard work stuffing a duvet...and as for the rest of the stuffings, too funny! Love the "stuff it" to the LOC et.al. Fun post!!
Martha, What a fun and fantastic way to tell a story about stuffing a duvet, especially as I grew up in Europe where we only used duvets, never blankets.ReplyDelete
Sorry, sorry! I just realized my iPad corrected my Marsha to Martha....so sorry!ReplyDelete
You had me giggling and visualising your dilemma.ReplyDelete
Marsha, You made my day I never laughed out loud so hard except when I watch the Golden Girls re-runs, this was just what my spirit needed. What an image, you are truly a terrific writer, especially the line about your hubby looking for your attacker because of the state of the room and your hair. I so enjoy my new found blog family and you reallly added sunshine to a very dreary(weather dark and rainy here) day. God Bless you and keep your adventures coming.PatriciaReplyDelete
Sonja-Always fun to hear from you.ReplyDelete
Karin - Where were you when I needed you?
Donna - Glad you got a chuckle - and I've been called worse than "Martha."
Gutsy Writer - Welcome, and thanks for the feedback.
Diane b - my goal in life is to provide the occasional giggle.
Green eyes, I've had my share of dreary days, so I am glad to know this lightened one of yours. Your feedback - especially the laughing out loud, lightened my day! :)
It's rainy and gloomy her today, but this post certainly brightened up the day. I must admit to several chuckles as I read about your misadventures with the duvet. If Betsy ever decides to move up from the bedspread/quilt look we currently have, I'm going to take an extended hike somewhere.ReplyDelete
I did this a few years back and it certainly isn't easy. :) You have such a way with words, Marsha!ReplyDelete
too funny! and if I ever decide to stuff a duvet, I am going to call you!ReplyDelete
Giggles, I had to laugh, it sounds so much like my life, hugsReplyDelete
Cute story. Made me laugh as I pictured you stuffing that duvet!ReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing your story...
I love all the puns and allusions. Great story. Even better because it's true. I love it.ReplyDelete