Have you ever had one of those days where you just didn't feel like you belonged anywhere? Nothing seemed to quite fit, either in the clothing department, the food selection, the books available - nothing suited your mood?
Sure you have. We all have had those days. And while they are a little uncomfortable, or perhaps "discomfiting" would be more accurate, we all know they pass and things get back to normal.
Right now, my problem is that there is no knowing what normal is, or when it ever will be again. I have only been home once in three months (due to my son's illness), my husband (the LOC*) is doing all the packing for our upcoming move, because I cannot find anyone to stay with K. while I go home to help pack, and thus the home I had is no longer "home", and the home we have bought to move to, is not quite ready either. (*Lovable Old Coot)
So we are betwixt and between, and it is darned uncomfortable - or discomfiting. I'm going to have to look that word up and determine which is more accurate. Excuse me a minute, please.
.............. Thanks for holding. I'm back. Yep - thought so. It is discomfiting. To thwart plans or to put into a state of perplexity. Sure enough, that's me right now, I am discomfited.
I have so many plans for the new place, but I can only visit for an hour or so at a time, before I need to be back here at K.'s house. I am totally perplexed as to how the LOC is going to manage all this on his own. While he is fully capable in many areas, "home organization" would not be counted among his top ten. Of course, that is only my opinion, and I could be wrong. I'm just saying.
He calls to tell me that he has trimmed all the front hedges and packed up all his jackets! Whaaat??? There is an entire kitchen to be packed up, not to mention three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a living room, a sun room, etc. etc. etc. - and he is trimming hedges and packing his jackets? Granted he has about a kajillion jackets, so that was no small feat, but it still does not rank above about 50th in the list of things that need to be done to prepare for the move.
Betwixt and between. Those are the times in life where you learn whether you know how to "steady down" and wait it out. Between the job interview and the call which tells you whether or not you are hired. Between the first inkling that you may be expecting another child and the confirmation that you definitely are pregnant. Between the time the tests are run and the call with the diagnostic results. Betwixt old friends who perhaps do not call like they once did, and making new ones when you get the opportunity to do so.
I wipe down the kitchen counters again. I read today's newspaper, bake a pan of cornbread, just little things. I am, these days, living what I think of as a very "small life." One that is bounded by tight restrictions as to time and space. I am, to be sure, betwixt and between.
So then, my choice is to either dwell on my "discomfiture" (odd word, isn't it? but it is the right one) or be thankful for all the little things that I can do right now and remain as productive as possible. I have many more choices than K. does, to be sure, so I have no room to gripe.
I remember my son's classroom motto (the high school special ed classroom where he teaches from his wheelchair when he is well) which is posted on the wall and reads:
Be present. Be productive. Be kind.
These are also good admonitions to me, while I am betwixt and between.
Hope you are not discomfited today and that you are fully present, productive and kind - both to yourself and to others - wherever your day takes you. Until next time ....Marsha